Selling is inviting
let people come to your party!
You're not begging
For many of us, selling is a Bad Word™️. It makes our hearts sink. We know we should do more of it, but feel so insecure we don’t even want to learn how. When I led a Creator Success team at Patreon, I talked to hundreds of creators about sharing and pricing their work. It never stopped surprising me that even very successful creators would feel like they were "asking for money".
But they all made things that someone loved, and wouldn't have had access to if the creator hadn't also shared it, and charged enough to keep going.
Let them decide
When you're hosting a party, you're making an effort for people to come together and have a good time. But putting your love, creativity and work in, only to sit home alone and wait for people to discover it, is bound to make anyone sad and bitter. Because people can't come to the party if they don't know it's happening, that they're invited – and that the invitation is for them.
It's more fun to make stuff when other people enjoy it. As a musician at least, I choose sold out over half empty every day of the week.
But I keep missing my friends' new releases and events because they don't tell me about it directly, or post enough on social media that it makes it to my feed. And I want to know! When they think they're pushing hard and breaking social norms, I probably haven't even registered it yet. This is the sad truth of our information overloaded lives – I keep missing their invitations.
You might be tempted to point out there is a difference between asking people to buy your painting and inviting them home for drinks, but they're both situations where people have an opportunity to enjoy something, consider the price, and decide if it's worth it to them. The painting might cost more money, but time, outfits, transport, social energy and a potential hangover are expenses too.
People can and will make their own decisions. Let them.
You aren't what you do
Let's take a closer look at this resistance a lot of us have against putting ourselves out there though.
We're scared of asking, of being turned down. Scared of embarrassing ourselves, of getting caught pretending to be something we're not. Of setting a price someone isn't willing to pay. Of admitting we're aspiring to things we might not succeed with.
That's ok. But these thoughts are keeping you small. They're holding you back, and depriving people of your presents. Let me try to take some weight off your shoulders, because it was never about you being one way or the other.
That voice in your head is just trying to protect you – from the patriarchy, capitalism, racism, ableism, fatphobia, ageism, and a ton of other control systems we've internalised. At the end of the day we're just pack animals, and these are functions of our hierarchies. None of them decide how good or bad your thing is.
So if it helps: inviting people to enjoy your work is an act of rebellion.
Still anxious?
It might be useful to inspect what you judge, envy, and admire in others – are you really annoyed they're so "salesy", or maybe also jealous that they dare? Are they actually "posers", or do they just know how to pose?
You don't need to grow a whole new personality. You can start by just making yourself findable. Allow the people who are already around you to explore, get excited, and hype up your work.
Use your real name - that's what people remember and search for. Say exactly what you do, not what vibes you bring. Use words, not emojis. Think “Break Something by Nora Mihle – a weekly newsletter on creativity and motivation”... not ✨Break Something✨ re-wilding free spirits ✨.
Own it. Make a new account and block whoever stresses you out if that helps. Straighten your back and answer truthfully when someone asks what you do.
It doesn't have to be perfect or impressive, it doesn't have to be something you make money from. If you enjoy doing or making something, say it.
Send the invite.
Nora Mihle Asklund is the writer, musician and ex-Patreon lead behind Break Something Studio – a kitchen party on the internet for people who make stuff. She helps creators stay weird, brave and stubborn enough to keep going. Find more of her thoughts and experiments at breaksomething.studio or on Instagram @breaksomethingstudio.