Making friends with resistance

New beginnings

When I started this blog/newsletter, the majority of what I'd written since high school was emails.

But I'd had so many conversations about creativity and the professional industries around it, exchanging questions, knowledge and experiences. Because I'm not naturally organised, I've also become a bit of a productivity nerd – I've had to make an effort to learn all that.

So at one point I thought "Fuck it, I have the time now, I'm going to put this on the internet in case someone might gain something from reading it".

And spoiler alert: someone did! I refer to Break Something as my little kitchen party on the internet. Though you couldn’t fit in my actual kitchen anymore, I deeply appreciate the feedback I’ve gotten.

So why did I suddenly ghost it?

Hello darkness, my old friend

Annoyingly, it turns out I'm no different to anybody else. I'd been publishing weekly for about half a year, and when the novelty wore off, writing started to feel a bit like a chore. Something I was expected to do – which you might remember is a huge motivation killer if you've been around here for a while. Neurodivergents might feel this extra strongly, in the form of PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance).

I'd also reached a point where I felt I couldn't hold off on doing social media any longer, and as much as I love attention, I'm lowkey terrified of being seen as someone with all of the knowledge and none of the skills. As all mouth and no trousers.

But you're reading this, so something must have shifted.

Back to black

We tend to connect productivity with value, morals, and willpower, which makes it all the more shameful if you're stuck.

And there's no end to the advice out there promising to help you get shit done. To get over yourself. Things like lowering the bar, breaking it down, making lists. Putting on music, shaking your body, setting short timers. Great stuff if you actually use it, and don't, like me, tend to think that you're smart, you know how it works, therefore you don't have to do it. Yes, my ego is that big.

But even if you apply these techniques successfully, there might be times where the resistance just runs too deep. I've overstretched myself time and time again by powering through, mostly leading to me remembering the stress and feeling even worse next time. And in the end, not doing much at all.

A few years back though I took a leap of faith and bought an expensive online writing course called Heksesirkel (English: Witch Circle), by the weird and fabulous Ida Jackson. I didn't really know what to do with it, but unexpectedly, it's been one of the best things I've done for myself since stopping to give reasons when I cancel plans (it's none of your business what I do).

I've done the course several times now, but this round I was ready to dig a little deeper.

To look in the mirror and accept that I'd actually set the bar quite high, even if it feels like the bare minimum to me. That I've been measuring myself against professional online content creators when really I'm a beginner. Turns out that knowing lots about fan-to-member conversion rates and motivation science isn't at all the same thing as doing.

Shine a light on it

So if you also happen to find yourself in a place where what you're working on is too big, too abstract, too easy to postpone – try greeting your demon as a friend. Yes, I know. But you don't have to trust the process, just be open to the possibility that maybe this has something going for it.

Take a deep breath in, and a long, slow, breath out. Do it again. Let your body be heavy.

Do you already feel like you should be doing something else? Breathe again.

Now think about where you're stuck. You have a Thing to do, and a drive towards it. But it's never the right time, something else is more important, motivation is lacking, or you just can't focus. This is resistance.

It is not cowardice, laziness, disorganisation, or boredom. Beating yourself up doesn't help.

Because resistance is also you, trying to protect you. From real and imagined threats. From stress and discomfort, by not committing. From ridicule, by not posting about it. From failure, by constantly chasing new ideas instead of getting started.

Feel out that resistance.

How long has it been around for? What nice things does it want for you? Comfort? Freedom? Energy?

You can do The Thing and still have these. When you consciously comfort the parts of yourself that are small, scared, and tired, you'll find the solutions you need.

I'd love to know what your resistance looks like, and how you handle it. Have you found a way to release the angst, or do you even struggle to see it as such?

Nora Mihle Asklund is the writer, musician and ex-Patreon lead behind Break Something Studio – a kitchen party on the internet for people who make stuff. She helps creators stay weird, brave and stubborn enough to keep going. Find more of her thoughts and experiments at breaksomething.studio or on Instagram @breaksomethingstudio.