Internet hate
maybe not quite what you think
It's not them, it's all of us
You’ve made something, you’re nervous but ready to share it with the world. You’ve triple checked and written your caption, there it goes. Yay!
💖Maybe you should lose some weight sweetie, just trying to help 💖
🤬@%&!/ people who s&7#&#"$@🤬
🧢lol i wanna lick those tits🧢
If you are visible on the internet, someone is going to hate you at some point, and it’s not nice. If you get big enough, this will happen, no exceptions, and it's completely outside of your control. It really doesn’t matter how perfect you are, if anything, that makes it worse. Because when you feel small, powerless and angry, nothing is more infuriating than other people doing great. Especially if they have something you also want, be it courage, position or money.
Finding the flaws and pointing out that actually, they're not all that, gives a moment of satisfaction. And I'm not saying that as a closeted keyboard warrior, but because we all do it.
We gossip, we roll our eyes, we raise our eyebrows and say "well..."
It's just easier to go absolutely ballistic about it when you don't have to face any consequences.
So this is success
Or at least a part of it, because every troll is proof that you’re reaching people.
The more visible you are, the more fans you’ll attract, and more (mean) comments. Maybe even long form content if you’re lucky – public slaughter is an art form.
It's not at all fairly distributed though, and I'm not saying that anyone should accept threats and harassment as part of life. But how much you can handle is directly correlated with how big you can grow, and by handle I don't mean "suffer through". Because how you handle it is within your control.
Your party, your rules
Disclaimer: I'm not famous. I don't have a big following to manage, the strategies below are things I've learned from working with creators who do.
Either way it's never too early to prepare, and nobody needs to know. Different types of bullying calls for different approaches, and some of these are really things that everybody should do to protect themselves – regardless of visibility.
Backhanded compliments – don’t be fooled, there is nothing nice or helpful about them. If they make you uneasy, just know they were meant to do exactly that.
Disagreement – any kind of statement can provoke a counter-statement. But you don’t need to reply or prove you're right, as tempting as it may be. Especially if it's in a private message, or from someone with less skills and visibility. You have work to do. If anything, you can use the friction as inspiration.
Derogatory language – depending on the severity, this can be illegal, and sometimes removed with reporting it to the platform. Sadly the big players take less and less responsibility here. They make money from engagement, and rage is great for that. But a lot of platforms will still let you set up filters that automatically hide comments containing certain words. And don't be shy, they don't have to be illegal for you to not want those slurs at your party.
Doxing – sharing your private information, like phone number, location, or place of work. I learned this trick from a couple of YouTubers I worked with – use the filters mentioned above to hide your real name, address, phone number, etc. in all possible variations to make doxing harder. Do it for your family members, doctor, and your dog park too, if you want to be really well prepared.
Hacking – For the love of all things good, get a password manager and use it. Ideally with 2-factor authentication. The more visible you are, the more tempting to hack, and all the more devastating it can be to lose control of your internet empire. Not to mention whatever else you'd like to keep private. And don't forget about the people you love – I've seen creators lose their platforms both to former lovers and business partners.
Feel-better solutions
On the emotional side, it can be hard to stay level when it feels like everything is on fire. Creating in public is making yourself vulnerable.
Consider finding someone else who can check your comments if it's all too much.
Remember to celebrate – screenshot the nice stuff and look at it often!
And if all else fails, block away. Nobody has a right to your work.
Nora Mihle Asklund is the writer, musician and ex-Patreon lead behind Break Something Studio – a kitchen party on the internet for people who make stuff. She helps creators stay weird, brave and stubborn enough to keep going. Find more of her thoughts and experiments at breaksomething.studio or on Instagram @breaksomethingstudio.